Just Carry Yourself Back To Me Unspoiled

Or: “Ruined for Life”

Well. It’s August 7^th. My time in Bridgeport and as a Jesuit Volunteer is just days from being over. People are getting very excited for me to come back to Minnesota. And, I think, in this jumble of things I’m feeling, I have some excitement too. It’s just so much more complicated than that.

But. So. I thought maybe I’d start with some pictures of things I haven’t shown you guys yet. Bridgeport type things, yeah? So here goes:

This is our beautiful little house on Alpine Street. It has been a wonderful place to call home:

These are the incredible women I got to share this year with (Hannah, Meghan, and Sophie):  

This is the teen room (as seen from my desk) and then my desk at work:

These are the awesome seniors I got to Wii Bowl with every Thursday! I also did aerobics with several of them:

These are (most of) the amazing teens I’ve spent my summer with:

This is the blanket I crocheted this fall:

This is the first snow of the season, over the community garden in the back of the Taylor Center:

This is our street and back yard after 3 ft of snow in February:

Naturally I have hundreds more, but I can show those to people individually when I get back. I just wanted to share a bit of my life and work this year, to put some images with names/places/stories.

It’s nuts that this year is coming to an end. In some ways it feels like lifetimes have passed since I hugged my family goodbye and got on a plane to move a city I’d never even heard of 8 months before. So much has happened, so much life has been lived. I’ve grown and changed so much. But at the same time it has absolutely flown by. I can not believe it is August, that I’m leaving in a matter of days.

I wouldn’t trade this year for anything. It has been the most amazing, difficult, infuriating, wonderful experience. Someone at our Re-Orientation retreat back in January said that JVC was the most challenging blessing she’d ever received. I think that’s just about a perfect description of what this has been. It’s been hard, so hard. Work has been maddening and frustrating, intentional community is certainly not easy (no matter how wonderful my housemates are), and we’ve had our fair share (and then some) of trials and bumps. But it has been so good. There have been so many highs, so many wonderful moments and beautiful things. And even the hard stuff, even the stuff that just sucked, was beautiful too because of how we came out of it and the things it taught us and the way we grew. There is not a single thing I would change about the way this year has gone.

I will be unpacking this experience for the rest of my life. It has changed me in ways I don’t even understand yet. The people I’ve met, the things I’ve seen and experienced, all the challenges and victories, will, I think, be impacting me forever. JVC’s motto is “ruined for life.” Basically it means that this experience changes, and is meant to change, you forever, that the things you see and experience and learn will forever impact the way you see, understand and exist in the world. I cannot just carry myself back to you unspoiled. This is going to stay with me forever.

Bridgeport is going to stay with me forever. I will carry this city and its people always. Bridgeport is not, perhaps, a great city. (It has taken almost a year for me to be able to admit that). It has a lot of problems. Its people are marginalized and oppressed. It provides very few opportunities, advantages or tools for success for its citizens. Its school system is deplorable. There is violence and crime and sometimes it is just dirty. But, there is also beauty in Bridgeport. Bridgeport, Park City, has tons of beautiful parks. We’ve had the awesome privilege of getting to know this side of Bridgeport through our runs and through participating in various events held at the parks. It’s also right on the Long Island Sound so it has a great beach with an old lighthouse you can walk out to. Bridgeport has an awesome art scene, and every Thursday all summer there is live music on Mclevy Green downtown. There are 4 farmers markets in town from June to October, bringing fresh produce to the community. This is especially important in areas like the East End (where I work), which is a food desert. And, within everything, there are people just living their lives. There are awesome communities of people loving and taking care of each other. I have met some of the most amazing people here and gotten to be involved in some really special communities. The people, I think above all else, make Bridgeport beautiful.

There is a lot of good happening and being done in Bridgeport, and we have had the privilege of witnessing this all year. This city has a long way to go, but it’s not done fighting. And it is not, at least entirely, defined by its problems. It is also defined by its beauty. It is important to find this beauty in the city.

So while Bridgeport might not be great, while it may not even be good in so many ways, Bridgeport is still lovable. This city and its people are so worth loving and so worth fighting for. They are worth the difficulties and frustrations at work. They are worth all the things our community has weathered this year. That is why I came and that is why I stayed, even when it wasn’t easy.

I don’t know. I don’t think I’m explaining this quite right, but I don’t know how else to say it. Which is why this is all going to be so hard, because I can’t explain any of this well. I don’t have the right words and people who have not done this don’t have the right context. But we’ll all try and muddle through somehow.

And maybe there’s a real beauty in that muddling.

So anyway. We’ve been busy (no change there) soaking up our last few weeks out here. We’ve gotten out and done a few of the things we have been meaning to do all year (including finally making it out to Fair Weather Lighthouse this weekend!). We had a BBQ last night to say thank you and see you later to all our awesome support people from this year. We were blessed with a really awesome support network. And in general we’ve just been focused on spending time together in Bridgeport.

Thank you to everyone who supported me throughout this entire journey. You have all been amazing, from the first time I heard “JVC” just over a year and a half ago all the way up to right now, as I prepare to leave. I can not thank you enough. Your support and prayers and kind words have meant so much. I can’t wait to see you all and (try to) tell you about this year in person!

I might keep up this blog, especially in the heat of the transition, so keep an eye out for it if you’re interested.

God Bless,

Aimee